japanese waste receptacles

Posted on Dec. 4, 2009 by geoffropuff

more widely known as toilets.  yes, this is the second post dedicated to fecal-related matters in the last week but given that my life revolves around my bowel movements, it’s a very important topic!  (after i had gall stones and had my gall bladder removed, i had explosive 3.5 for 6 months straight.  NOT.  ONE.  SOLID.)

WARNING: TOILET TALK TO ENSUE

now that i’ve provided a little fan service, we can get to the meat of the post, japanese-style toilets.  you all know the good ol’ western toilet.  here it is in all it’s glory:

"kobe how's my ass taste?" has a new meaning now, doesn't it?

"kobe how's my ass taste?" has a new meaning now, doesn't it?

well, japan has done gone two directions with the toilet, one much better than the other.  on the one hand, they created a SUPER SEAT.  that bad boy will do everything short of give you an enema (which it ALMOST does anyway).  you know those times you wish your seat was warm cuz it’s freezing in your bathroom?  done.  or the times you got some splash damage on your butt and wish you could wash it off?  done!  (don’t act like you’ve never done it.  EVERYONE has splash-poo’d)  or how about not wanting to dirty your hands so you wish you had a butt blowdryer?  DONE!  if they weren’t like $700+ each, i’d get one for every room in my house.  (yes, even the rooms with no toilets.  who knows when i want a warm seat)

never used one but i've heard of two user experiences: comfort or violation

never used one but i've heard of two user experiences: comfort or violation

now we move from the lexus to the gremlin of toilets: the floor toilet.

take off your pants, squat, and hold on for dear life!

take off your pants, squat, and hold on for dear life!

using one of these is the functional equivalent to taking a dump in a hole, except the hole can flush.  WOOT!  i’ve used these to pee but man it’s hard to aim.  put a target on the ground and try peeing exclusively on the target from stream start to last drip.  i bet you miss at least a little bit…

even creepy urinals are better for peeing

even creepy urinals are better for peeing

but what i really wanna talk about is trying to dump in a floor toilet.  i’m honestly afraid to use one for fear of making chocolate stains on my pants and shoes.  r. kelly may be okay with using human excrement as a fun way to spice up his (sex)life but i’d prefer to just flush it away.

chapelle r. kelly toilet seat

like i mentioned before, 3.5 is a large part of my life, for better or worse.  i feel like if i tried to 3.5 in one of these holes, i’d just drip the remnants all down my leg.  i could prevent it from getting on my clothes but who wants to get buck-nekkid from the “waste” down (see what i did there?) just to take a dump?  who knows what kind of creepster is sneaking a peek at my junk?

why this is a sign, i don't know...

why this is a sign, i don't know...

let’s recap: a japanese toilet seat will warm, wash, and blow dry your butt.  a floor toilet will cause diarrhea legs and peeping toms.  earlier, i said one was better than the other.  i wonder…

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3 Responses to “japanese waste receptacles”

  1. geoff, i am torn between wanting to puke and laughing on this one. totally gross, but chuckling. i would say lmao, but not literally.

     

    jenni

  2. At least with the floor toilet, you can workout your leg muscles while you’re taking a dump

     

    Steve

  3. […] often do i write about serious issues (as evidenced by my toilet and dog poo posts) but today i saw something really interesting in the daily yomiuri (english […]

     

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