i’m a felon in japan!

Posted on Nov. 11, 2009 by geoffropuff

recently, japan passed a law stating that you can’t be fat.  seriously.  apparently, in an effort to crack down against metabolic syndrome, the japanese government passed a law declaring a strict maximum waist size limit for men and women over 40 years of age.  sounds kinda crazy but i guess it wouldn’t be too crazy with a liberal limit.  the limit is 33.5 inches for men and 35.4 inches for women.

dude's waist is the envy of girls across america

matsu jun's waistline is the envy of girls across america

hasegawa kyoko's waistline is the envy of skeletons across america

hasegawa kyoko's waistline is the envy of skeletons across america

i buy size 34 pants, which means i’m breaking the law!  i’m not over 40 but i can hardly imagining myself becoming skinnier over time.  i’ve probably gained about 15 pounds since high school (which was in 2001).  let’s extrapolate those numbers: in 8 years, i gained 15 lbs.  i’ll be 40 in 14 years, which means i should gain like 25 lbs. or so by the time i’m 40.  i would guess that my waist size will be around 36, meaning i’ll be a japanese felon!  (and if i’m a felon, sumo wrestlers must be on death row)

that kid is on death row.  if the sumo wrestler falls...

if the sumo wrestler falls, that kid is on death row...

okay, i’m exaggerating a bit.  the real consequence is just higher health insurance payments for both yourself and the company you work for, probably meaning that fat people will be discriminated against when hiring.  i’m saying this as if  discrimination doesn’t happen already…  fatties stick out like a sore thumb in japan.

this guy is gonna have a high insurance premium!

this guy is gonna have a high insurance premium!

instead of the current law, i’m all for the opposite kind of limit: minimum waist size limit.  if i can wrap my hands around some girl’s waist, that’s too small.  regular girls in japan would, honestly, be called anorexic in the states.

advertising a ridiculous solar bra but you see what i mean?  she's like -5% body fat...

solar bra ad girl. see what i mean? her arms look like the twigs on a snowman.

japanese people always call me fat.  when i tell them that i weigh 80kgs, they give me incredulous looks. (i should really tell them that my thunder thighs and watermelon head account for a significant amount of that weight)  yesterday, i went shopping and was looking in the jeans section.  size 33 jeans were the biggest jeans they had on the rack.  i haven’t been under size 33 since elementary school…

my thighs got a lot of thunderin' til they get here...

my thighs got a lot of thunderin' to do to get here...

anyways, this is just a post of warning.  any one of you could end up a felon like me.

felon orange jumpsuit

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